Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Why Santa
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know
Why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
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Ultimate answer while changing a job.
Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.
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How did Santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
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Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he
hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else? .
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An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!
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Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"
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Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
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Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
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Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The steering, dash board,
gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
Computer Engineer & wife
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought that juwelary?
Husband - Command not found.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning.
Husband - syntax error, try again.
Wife - oh god! forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch. try with correct data type.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - default value.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown process detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - i will go to my dad's house.
Husband - Access approved with not return value.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - Program finish successfully and malware removed. reboot now.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Amazing atm
How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away
How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
Hi hi hi Don't angry girls.... This is not you. Other one...
Fun talks
Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before clea ning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Austral ia ?'
Operator:&nbsap; ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
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Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
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Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.
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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. '
Operator: &n bsp; 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared. '
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f *** ing stupid to own a computer!!!! !
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Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
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Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
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Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : 
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Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support :
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Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ////-----+++
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Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support :
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ?!%#$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support :
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech support : @@@@@
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Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open
24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
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Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : *** ---- ++++
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The best of the lot
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support: ??????
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support:hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM < http://nosmoke.com/> at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.p
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Hight Of all (Too Good)
Tech: I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out?
User: sure
Tech: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
User: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
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